The Almost 10 List of a New Mom

Some weekends back I was trying out a new pair of shoes at Nike’s( first time since my baby was born).  The showroom sales person showed me all the possible range of shoes – colors, prices, style.  Then he asked me what size would I like to try them. I said, size five should be fine.

( Now, all my pregnancy and post it, I have been in my loafers which had become shapeless now. But these days I prefer convenience over style so there was no way I could part with them. But under the pressure of constant nagging from my mother I decide to buy a new pair of shoes at least.)

Now size five is what he brought out in all the ones that I picked out. As I try it out, funnily none would fit me! I thought the trial socks that the guy gave me were too thick. I removed them to try them again bare feet. Hey! Something was so very wrong. None of them fit me! To my dismay, I realized that my feet have grown during /post pregnancy. Can this like really happen? But in my case they had. So reluctantly, I bought a size six pair. This incident got me thinking about all those aspects that have changed ( temporarily or permanently) after my pregnancy.

The list goes like this:

1. My shoe size ( I have a bad feeling, that this is going to be a permanent change until I think I have another baby of which I have no plans, at least right now)

2. I observed that I sneezed louder than before. Funnily, I sound like those old uncles who use snuff powder. Urrgghhh…( I wish this to be as temporary as possible)

3. My memory I feel has been tampered with as I have no recollection of so many incidents of my past when others make references ( I am kind of okay with this change as I feel less burdened for some reason)

4. Ofcourse  my dress size has gone up four sizes ( I am determined to take it down 4 or 5 sizes in a year and a half)

5. I feel contented and happy all the time i.e. I am not restless anymore and it more or less feels like a meditative state to be in. ( Like it’s a bad thing… but the problem is I feel like the time is standing still for me while others are rushing around me accomplishing things which were important to me once upon a time)

6. Anger management has come in automatically and I feel all issues that usually need flaring up are so trivial to waste any time on.

7. More of a recluse these days where I do not feel the need for any company other than my own or my baby’s. Life’s good. They say, “No man’s an island” but my take is Women can become islands if they like.

8. Motherhood, I thought would make me oh-so-emotional, but to my surprise, I have become more practical, reasonable and very logical ( all of which I was not earlier)in my decision-making

9. When I go shopping I have eyes only for my daughter’s clothes! (Thats like a BIG change)

10. All lists don’t have to end in a round figure!

Conversations :Me Vs Myself

“Oh God! Whats happened to you!”  exclaims a friend of mine, when we meet after a year-long gap. While I am arranging words in my head about how nice it was to see him after a long time or something to that effect, his words completely knock me off. I feel all the energy draining off my hands , feet and my heart just goes thump….. thump. .. No no, I am not dead.  But his words kind of made me feel that I should rather be dead. No no, he means well for me… yet it makes me weak, weaker,  weakest ( is there something beyond that as well, then that’s how I feel)! Continue reading Conversations :Me Vs Myself

The Different Ages of Love

Its past Valentines and I’m still not able to shake off the feeling… that mushy, tingly, happy feeling. Even after four years of my marriage and a baby, my husband still feels that he needs to surprise me on this day. He sent me a beautiful bouquet of roses and chocolates. So typical, yet so touching. Everything about this day is a cliché and love too, I feel. Yet, its such a difficult feeling to shake off, when you’re feeling it.  While I was arranging those beautiful roses on my centre table, I was reminded of the rose day of my college and also the time someone gave me a rose for the very first time. All those times I felt the same tingly feeling. So is all the love same? It can’t be,  can it.

Just to explore that thought, I tried to dissect the feeling in different ages, when and how I felt it. A true account of it all should be able to help me understand whether all that love at different ages was the same or not. Continue reading The Different Ages of Love