How to Celebrate Birthdays!

Today is my 30th birthday and its been the suckiest ever. This doesnt mean I have had mind blowing birthdays before. Usually all my birthdays are pretty bad. But none like this!!! I mean.. my 30th birthday was supposed to be special. I didnt want a big party, no fancy clothes,  no expensive gifts. Just some quiet time with my husband and daughter and a nice dinner at a good place. Is that too much to ask for? Instead what am I doing? Spending the day in my night clothes, not taken a bath, not gone to the temple, and practically doing nothing that would make me happy. The only solace is I get to spend time with my daughter and play with her and she kind of understands my moods and responds accordingly. I am not making this up. Its true. Shes fab! Continue reading How to Celebrate Birthdays!

An Inspiration

As an addition to my previous post about wanting to know my calling in life, something that would make me truly happy, this post is about an article I came across on the internet. This article is about a young millionaire, how he managed to be in that bracket of wealthy individuals and what makes him genuinely happy. I believe in signs from God whenever I feel flummoxed about something in life. Most of the times I do get those signs and they help me move forward in life. This piece on the internet came the same day as I wrote the post “Que Sera Sera..” Its goes thus.. Continue reading An Inspiration

Que sera sera, What will I be, I will be..

Just wondering, how does a person know what his or her true calling is in life! I have been struggling with this question for the past 5 years now. Getting placed with an Indian IT major from campus was a happy moment for me but right from the first day onwards I realized the rythm amiss. Not that I was always with the beat  but this felt so wrong and wrong it felt for the next four years. What made me stay there for all that time- Inertia. Now I dont work anymore and I feel the four years wasted could have been put to etter use. Better use such as…… As a child I was told I had to be a doctor and so I always felt like a doctor. Dr. Anita Menon sounded good too. But as the marks in examinations determine what you can or cannot be, I had to choose the lesser stream, of that of an engineer. Er. Anita Menon, didnt sound that bad either! So here I am, an engineer, not a hands – on one though. Did I feel like an engineer inside? No, not at all. But my parents felt good about it  and so it was okay with me. I never truly asked myself back then, what I wanted to be because I wasnt sure whether I was allowed to make that decision. So I lead a sheep like existence, not questioning and doing as I was told to do. I enjoyed a few things like singing, dancing and sports and was quite good at it all. But making a career out of it seemed so silly.

Today when I see the whole reality show generation, I feel I was  born a bit too early. Had I been a part of the current generation, I would have defiinitely tried participating in a dozen or two. Would that have given me more satisfaction, I dont know but atleast I would have tried.  Today as I type this piece, I know, that ship has sailed! So the question still haunts me “what do I want to do with my life?” Keeping that thought, I wanted to know the possibilities and how my life would be any different if I chose a different profession. Before that I wanted to make a list of professions I would never choose. Continue reading Que sera sera, What will I be, I will be..

Birthday Blues

I am about to turn 30 this month. The only birthday I have dreaded because turning 30 feels like a milestone that I never wanted to achieve( not that I wanted to be dead before that). For all the previous birthdays I was upbeat about the party and all the fun things that I planned to do to make it the best ever for me and others who were a part of my life then. This birthday doesn’t make me feel excited. It makes me think hard about what I have done so far with my life.  Not that I had any specific goals that I had to reach but overall how I managed the flow of life and what I intended to do with the rest of it. While I took a hard look at the days bygone and imagined the ones to come, it made me feel like  realist-something I hadn’t been ever. It also made me ponder over the huge transformation I had gone through as an individual of course not without the influences of the people, places and situations. This excerpt is an attempt to analyse what I was and what I have become now, an attempt to measure the metamorphosis.
Continue reading Birthday Blues